[Elfer]

I'm posting this here first. Then later today on CL of no Dorkies are interested.



2002 Porsche 911 (996)
Color: Gray
150K Miles
TIPTRONIC transmission
$11,250

Here’s the deal:

This is a 15-year-old car. I have owned it since 2009. I bought it with 36,500 miles on it. It has been my daily driver for 8 years. Rain, snow, wind, sleet, you name it. My commute prior to 2015 was from Warrenton to Washington DC. Five. Days. A. Week. Since 2015, my commute has been much shorter. (Alexandria to DC) I would not be selling my Porsche save for promising my wife as we now have a 21 month old and a 4 week old. It has been maintained by me (brakes, rotors, oil, belts, filters) and the transmission was flushed in 2015 by Porsche of Arlington as well as the brake fluid. The water pump was replaced in July by Foreign Car Service of Alexandria. Currently, the gas gauge sometimes works. I use the odometer as a backup.

Did I mention this was a 15-year-old car? It has the wear and tear you would expect from a 15-year-old car. This is NOT a garage queen, show Porsche. Some of you internet junkies who fancy yourselves 996 ‘gurus’ will ask about the IMS bearing. No, this has not been replaced. This issue affected about 8% of 996s. WAY too much hype on the IMS issue (unless, of course, it happened to you) It is also the reason you can buy a 320hp Porsche 911 for $11,250. Did I mention this was a tiptronic? So, no, the clutch has not been replaced. Because it doesn’t have a clutch.

The car has two minor accidents. One was an unfortunate, unscheduled meeting with a guardrail on 295 during the winter. You spin me right round baby right round. If you haven’t done multiple 360 degree rotations across four lanes of interstate highway, on ice in a Porsche, you haven’t lived.

The second was on 66 West in 2014. A lady (I’ll call her one, since I’m a gentleman) rear-ended me in stop and go traffic. This was fixed by Lindsey Cadillac. It was minor, but cost her insurance company a lot of money. She tried to deny it and say my rear bumper was already damaged. The kind Virginia State Trooper had none of it.

I have the title in hand. No liens.

I do not need ‘assistance’ selling this future classic.

If you want to pay by Paypal, THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.

If you are waiting for the money to come from the sweet deal you just made with a Nigerian businessman whom you’ve never met, THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.

If you wear white Oakley sunglasses and sport a faux Rolex Submariner, THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU

If you have never owned a German car more than 10 years old, THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU

If, when life throws you lemons, instead of making lemonade, you retreat to the nearest Safe Space, THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.

If you want to trade two 944s and a 928, THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU

If you want to trade your Kia, a box of DVDs, and the Spin Bike you use as a clothes rack, THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU

On the other hand, if you:

Watch old Top Gear episodes you’ve already seen 100 times

Watch the Grand Tour and hate the stupid new version of ‘Celebrity Guests’

Constantly check out Hoovie’s Garage on YouTube

Set up Cars.com Alerts for highly depreciated luxury German Cars

Frequent forums like Pelican Parts, Dorkiphus, Rennlist etc.

Wake up at the asscrack of dawn to go drool over cars at Katie’s Cars & Coffee on a Saturday

Hate the Toyota Prius with every fiber of your body;

Then THIS IS YOUR PORSCHE

Any other questions, feel free to ask. If they’re f*cking stupid, I probably won’t reply.